Feelings
by LilWeasleyGirl26
Summary: Ron and Hermione discuss their feelings the night after the war and after Fred's funeral
1. Chapter 1

A/N: A fanfic to celebrate Hermione's birthday! This is dedicated to my online bestie who challenged me for this thing.

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It was only a few hours after he had been defeated. I'm sitting on my bed in the dorm I've been in for the past years, after removing all those mud and dirt from my body and changing into my night gown, thinking. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. Should I be relieved that the darkness is over? Should I be grieving because of all the deaths that have happened? Fred, Professor Lupin, Tonks, Professor Snape and many others... Should I be worried about my parents? Are they still where I left them? Are they safe? Or maybe, should I be happy that Ron and I finally kissed? I don't know. Does he even feel the same way or did he just kiss me back because we thought we were going to die? What am I going to do next? I don't know those either. I'm Hermione Granger, for Merlin's sake! I should know things, I should know what to do next, and I should have something planned! But I don't, I don't know a lot of things...

I was pulled out of my thoughts when Lavender and Parvati came in the room, both laid in their own beds. Like me, they were also covered in scars, especially Lavender. They're both crying and I can see that they're pretty tired. After a few minutes, I saw that they've drawn back their curtains and assumed that they were already asleep. I decided that I should get some rest as well, so I pulled my curtains back and tried to go to sleep.

I did, I tried to go to sleep but I can't. All those images of what happened in the manor keep coming back to my mind. I tried to push them away, think of happy thoughts, but I can't. Every time I close my eyes, I can see her; hear her, torturing me, writing that word on my arm over and over. Deciding I won't get any sleep, I stood up and went to the Common Room, with 'Hogwarts a History' to keep me entertained. When I was at the last step, I saw that there's no one there, so I made my way to the couch in front of the fireplace.

While reading the book, I can't help but remember all the times we – Harry, Ron and I were here the past years. Helping them with their home works, bickering with Ron and those times when we would just hang out together, not thinking about school, Voldemort or anything else. Just three best friends having fun together. I smiled as I turned my attention to the book again. Will they publish a new edition of this? About all that's happened here in Hogwarts ever since Harry was here. If they did, will I even want to read it? Do I want to be reminded by those things? Maybe I want to remember some of them. Like the first time the three of us became friends. I smiled again at the memory.

Just then, I heard footsteps coming down the stairs of the boys' dormitory. I wonder who that could be.

"Hermione?" I heard Ron call from behind me

I immediately looked around and smiled at him, he was just wearing a white undershirt and his striped pyjamas.

"Hi" I said, or more like whispered, as he walked towards me

"What are you doing down here?" He asked

"I could say the same thing to you, Ronald"

"I asked you first!"

I turned away from him and faced the book on my lap before saying, "I just... I couldn't sleep"

"Oh... I can't sleep either. Nightmares?"

I nodded my head, still not looking at him.

We remained silent for a while, I know he's looking at me but I still don't look at him. Suddenly, I felt his arm around my shoulders as he pulled my body towards his.

"What are they about, Hermione?"

I didn't answer. Should I?

"Hermione," He used his other hand to lift my chin, "look at me. What are your nightmares about?"

Just as I was going to answer, I broke down and sobbed on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me protectively.

"They're about that night, Ron... I-it haunts me. I'm still scared, Ron" I cried, clutching him.

"You know she's dead, right? Mum killed her already"

"I know, Ron, I know..."

"It's gonna be alright, Hermione, I'm here for you" He said as he soothed my hair

I stopped crying and smiled against his chest. And again, we remained silenced for a few minutes, with Ron just rubbing my back, before I talked.

"Ron?" I said as I looked up at him

"Hmm?"

"Before I tried to go to sleep, I was... I was thinking about how I should feel about this"

"About what, Hermione?"

"How I should feel about the war and everything. I don't know if I should be happy or sad or anything else"

"I thought about that too, Hermione. Especially, you know, about Fred and stuff"

I nodded, "Ron, do you think I'll see my parents again?"

"Of course, Hermione. You just need to go to them and bring back their memories"

"What if they're not there anymore?"

"They'll be where you left them. I know they will"

I sighed and put my head back on his chest.

"I'm sorry, Ron"

"For what?"

"For Fred"

I heard him sigh and felt him nuzzle and sniff my hair, I know he's crying.

"Ron... I'm sorry I brought that up"

"Stop apologizing," I hear him say, though it's muffled, "You didn't do anything wrong"

"Do you think your family will let me stay in the Burrow before I go to my parents? I mean, everyone will be mourning and –"

"You're always welcome there, Hermione"

For the third time, there was silence again, but this time, it wasn't me who broke it

"Did it mean something to you?" I hear Ron say, his face still buried in my hair

"What did?"

He lifted his head up, "The – y'know, our kiss... Did it mean something to you or you just did it because I thought of the house elves being rescued"

I looked at him before stammering out "Yes... I mean no... I mean, it meant everything to me, Ron... How about – how about to you, did it mean something?"

"It meant everything to me too, Hermione"

"I did?"

He nodded, "Is it okay if I kiss you, Hermione?"

"I guess it's more than okay" I smiled

He leaned towards me and crushed his lips against mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back. His hands moved down to my waist and he lifted me up from the couch so I can sit on his lap. He pulled away after a few moments and we both looked each other in the eye before he snogging me again. We kissed until we both had to breathe.

"Well?" He asked, panting

"Well what, Ronald?"

"Are we, y'know, together now? Is it official?"

"Do you want us to be?"

"Hell, yeah... As long as you do"

"Of course, I do, you git!"

"Can I kiss you again?"

I smiled and nodded. Again, we kissed until we had air left in our lungs. We both laughed when we pulled away from each other, but only after a few moments, mine died and I frowned as I removed my arms from around his neck. Ron frowned too when he saw me, I know he's concerned.

"What's wrong, Hermione? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, Ron, you didn't. I'm just happy about us, that's all"

"Then why are you frowning?"

"It's just that... remember what I said? About me not knowing how or what to feel. I'm thinking about that again, Ron. I mean, a war just ended and I should be feeling sad because of everyone who died yet I'm not! I really don't know how to feel, Ron! I should be grieving over those who fought and was killed!" I cried into my hands, lots of tears were flowing down from my eyes.

"Hermione, listen to me. I know a lot of people died. But I know they did it to make us happy. So that everyone who lived will have a happy future, okay? I don't know what to feel too, Hermione. I feel sad that people died yet I feel happy that I'm with you. I feel relieved that he's gone. I have so many feelings right now. You remember when I told you in 5th year that one person couldn't feel all those stuff at once, that they'd explode if they did, I feel like that, like I'm going to explode because I don't know which one of all those things should I really be feeling right now. Hermione, I understand now, how to be emotionally confused like that. I'm telling you that it's normal. It's okay to be like that. Stop crying, please, Hermione"

"Now I'm the one who has the emotional range of a teaspoon..." I never knew Ron could be like that, could be so... deep

He chuckled, "Yeah, I upgraded to what – a tablespoon now?"

"No, much more than that. Maybe a ladle or something" I said as I yawned

"You're sleepy already?"

I smiled, "I bit... But I guess I need to fight those nightmares"

"If you want, maybe we can sleep here, on the couch, if you're comfortable with it"

"I guess it's alright if we did"

I stood up from his lap and Ron used his wand to enlarge the couch so we can fit and conjured a blanket and two pillows for us.

Ron helped me lay down on the inner side of the couch and he laid on the outer side, so I wouldn't fall.

We both faced each other and snuggled in each others' bodies. Our arms and legs tangled.

"I don't need this pillow" I said

"Why not?"

"I can use your chest instead"

He smiled and pulled my head closer to his chest

"I love you, Hermione" He told me before kissing my forehead

"You do?"

"Mmhmm... I love you more than my own life"

"I love you too, Ron"

"Yeah? Since when?"

"I don't know when it started but I guess I realized it during 6th year... How about you?"

"I dunno... I maybe 4th or 5th year"

I smiled, "Good night, Ron"

"Good night, love"

"What do you want me to call you, Ron?"

"Hmm?"

"I mean, you know, you call me 'love' but I didn't call you anything. What do you want me to call you?"

"I don't know. I guess you can call me anything except for 'Won-Won'. Go to sleep, love, I'm knackered as well. I'll be here with you the whole night and I'll be here when you wake up, I promise"

I slept well that night, knowing that Ron's there beside me, that he'll be there to protect me.

"Ronald Bilius Weasley! Wake up!" I heard Mrs. Weasley's voiced and I immediately opened my eyes, realizing where I was and who I was with.

Ron turned and faced his mother, "Mum! What the fuck?!"

I sat up and looked around the room and saw all the Weasleys – well except one, and some of the other students in the room

Harry and Seamus were both snickering and grinning.

My cheeks were flushed and I turned to Mrs. Weasley, "Mrs. Weasley, we are so sorry and –"

"I'm not..." I hear Ron say as he sat up as well

"What happened here last night?" Mrs. Weasley asked

"Nothing, Mum," Ron started, "we were just sleeping..."

"Nothing?! Did Harry have to put up with this while you were away?"

"No! Of course not! We only got together yesterday... you can ask Harry to make sure I'm not lying, Mum"

Mrs. Weasley looked at Harry then back at us, probably still waiting for us to say something, so I did

"Mrs. Weasley, please believe us, we really didn't do anything else aside from talking and sleeping..."

"And kissing" Ron interrupted

"Well that too," I continued, "but honestly, Mrs. Weasley, we didn't do anything else. I was here in the Common Room because I couldn't sleep and after a few minutes, Ron came down because he said he can't sleep as well and we talked and after an hour or so, we were both sleepy and since we both keep having nightmares, Ron suggested we sleep here and we did"

Mrs. Weasley smiled before saying, "So you two are together now..."

"Obviously, Mum" Ron said

"I'm so happy for you two. But Ronald, take care of Hermione and your father and I taught you what you needed to know"

I saw Ron's ears turning red

"Come on you two, let's go eat breakfast and we can go help rebuild the castle" Harry said and smiled at us before going out of the portrait hole with the others

"I'll see you later, I guess... 'M gonna shower and change" Ron told me as he helped me get off the couch

I smiled and headed up the stairs to the girls' dorm to shower and change too

"Hermione," Ron called after me and I looked back "I'll wait for you here when I'm finished, yeah?"

I nodded and we both went to our own rooms.

After bathing and putting on jeans and a blouse, I went back downstairs and saw Ron waiting for me. He took my hand into his.

"C'mon, love, I'm hungry"

"Aren't you always hungry?"

"I haven't had a good meal since we left the Burrow, y'know" He chuckled as I slapped him playfully

We both walked to the Great Hall for breakfast, with me smiling on the way.

"You seem happy..." Ron said as we sat down across Harry and Ginny

"Well, I am"

"Not sad anymore?"

"Still am, but like you said last night, we should be happy" I told him

He kissed my cheek and Harry cleared his throat and I blushed furiously

"What was that for?" I asked before biting my sandwich

"That was a 'good morning' kiss since I didn't actually had a chance to greet you a while ago"

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A/N: Thanks for reading! x


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I really didn't plan this second chapter but the idea just came to me after seeing some head canons. Thanks for those reviews in the first chapter. I forgot about Lavender being injured and has to be in the Hospital Wing but I didn't change it.**

**Disclaimer: I think I forgot to put this in the first chapter but... I do not own Harry Potter, it belongs to Queen JK Rowling**

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It's a warm spring afternoon and only two hours ago, Fred's funeral ended. We just got back to the Burrow and I'm helping Mrs. Weasley prepare supper and set the table. I can see that everyone is still sad about the loss but all were trying to move on, slowly, especially George, Mrs. Weasley, Ron and Ginny.

"Hermione, dear, can you please call the others so we can eat..." I heard Mrs. Weasley tell me. She hasn't been talking much ever since the war, I'm guessing she's a little better now but there's still a difference in her voice, it's not the normal cheery-Mrs. Weasley voice I gotten used to hear over the years. I gave her a weak smile and nodded, heading towards the sitting room where the others are.

I looked around the room, observing the others. Harry and Ginny were sitting on the couch with Harry trying his best to comfort Ginny. Fleur and Bill were beside each other as well, Fleur cuddling to Bill's side. Percy, Charlie and Mr. Weasley were quietly talking to each other and George on one of the chairs, his head on his hands.

I cleared my throat before saying, "Uhm, supper's ready, everyone..."

They all stood up and we all went to the dining room, sitting on our usual places. Mrs. Weasley magically enlarged the table and added chairs so we can all fit. She even placed a plate on where Fred usually seats.

"Where's Ronald?" Mrs. Weasley said, seeing another empty place

"He's in his room," Said Bill, "I tried to tell him to come down but he wouldn't even answer me."

"I'm going to try and get him down." I said as I stood up

I climbed the flights of stairs and reached Ron's room. I stood in front of his door and tried to open it but it won't. I tried to use some unlocking spells but it still won't open. So, I knocked gently.

"GO AWAY!" I heard him shout.

"Ron, it's me – Hermione... Please open the door. I just want to talk to you. Please, Ron."

I heard the lock 'click' after a while then I opened the door. I saw Ron on his bed, lying down on his stomach. I approached him and sat beside him, caressing his back. I wasn't saying anything, just looking at him.

"Lay down." I heard him mumble through his pillow. He moved a bit to his right and gave me space. I lay on my side, next to him, facing him. He turned around, now lying on his back, and put my left hand in his right. He was staring at the ceiling and I was staring at him, watching his face. His eyes were red from crying and he looks pale – much paler from his normal skin tone. He's thinking of him, he misses him a lot. I saw a tear slide from his eye and down his freckled cheek.

"Ron, do you want to talk about it?"

"I miss him, Hermione," He said, still looking at the ceiling, "I miss him teasing me, I don't know why but I just do."

"We _all_ miss him... The way he make us laugh and everything else about him."

"I could only imagine what it's like for George, y'know, not only seeing a brother die, but seeing _his twin_ die."

He was crying openly by now, tears were freely flowing from his eyes; he didn't even bother to wipe them.

I wrapped my right arm around him, he turned to me and returned the hug, his hand letting go of mine. He buried his face in my hair. I can still hear him sobbing which made me tear up too.

"Ron, your mum's looking for us downstairs. I'm only here to call you for supper. They're probably done by now. Your mum really wants to see you." I said softly.

He didn't answer, instead, I felt him shake his head.

"Ron... Ron, look at me _please_."

He removed his head from my hair and pulled me higher so our faces were levelled. I used my thumb to wipe his cheek.

"Ron, please, stop crying."

"I – I can't, Hermione, I just can't" His voice sounding a little hoarse.

"But, Ron, weren't you the one who told me to be strong that night in the Common Room? Or did you just say that because you didn't want to hear my cries?"

He remained quiet, looked away and removed his arms from around me.

"Ron, it's not that I'm mad at you or anything but you told me to be strong so I did. Every time I wanted to cry, I remember what you told me and it stops me from pouring my eyes out."

"No, you don't understand, Hermione... I have to cry, I just cant take it anymore. I _need_ to see him again." He started to cry again, he reached for my body and hugged me tightly; his head was on my shoulder, "I don't know what to do anymore, Hermione."

"Ron, _love_, listen to me," I gently pushed his body away from mine and put my hands on his cheeks, "First, I want you to remember what you told me. That we need to accept everything and be happy, for their sake, at least _try_, Ron. Second, you need to get a hold of yourself, try your best to stop crying. I know it's not that easy to move on but do you think Fred wants us to be sad every time we remember him? No, he wants us to remember the happy times. It's been two weeks already. Lastly, you need to go down stairs, you need to eat. We haven't properly eaten in months; you need to get your strength back. Okay, Ron? Please, love... You're the only one who gives me faith that everything will be alright in the end. I need you right now."

He kissed my forehead tenderly, "Okay, love, I get it... I'll try to move on, I promise. I'll try to be happy for us."

"I'm not forcing you to go be cheery all the time, Ron, I just –"

"I know, Hermione, I'm the one who told you about those stuff, remember?" He smiled.

"Ron, if you don't mind me asking, why are you crying this much about Fred? I know he's your brother but you usually don't show this much emotion and I'm just wondering..."

"Well, uhh, are you sure you want to hear the story, love?"

I smiled at him and nodded.

"Fred was the, err, the one I used to talk to about you," Ron said shyly.

"Really?"

"Mhmm, he was the one who told me to invite you to watch the World Cup before fourth year."

**~Flashback~**

"**Dad, can I invite Harry to the World Cup with us? That is if the Dursleys allow him" Ron asked his father.**

"**Sure, son, I'm sure he'll enjoy it" His father answered.**

"**IckleRonniekins, aren't you going to invite your girlfriend to go watch with us? What kind of guy are you..." Fred said later that night while he was with Ron in Ron's room.**

"**She's not my girlfriend, you git!" Ron growled.**

"**I'm not even saying a name yet but you seem so defensive already."**

"**I AM NOT DEFENSIVE! We both know who you're talking about – it's Hermione"**

"**How did you know it was her I was referring to?"**

"**Well, err, because she's the only girl friend I have!"**

"**See? You said **_**girlfriend**_**, little brother."**

"**I didn't mean **_**that **_**kind of girl friend, I meant she's the only female **_**friend **_**I've got!"**

"**But, it doesn't mean that if you're friends with a female, she's the only girl who could be qualified on being your 'girlfriend'... You, IckleRonniekins, are so in-denial. It's so obvious that you like her."**

**Ron's cheeks went red.**

"**I told you it's obvious, Ronald. Why don't you just tell her you like her?"**

"**Because she doesn't like me back. Maybe **_**I **_**don't like her, it's just physical attraction since she's the only girl I've been close to."**

"**Nah, mate, I saw the way you looked at her when you said goodbye in King's Cross."**

"**Fine, I'll try to invite her. She doesn't even like Quidditch."**

**~End Flashback~**

I laughed after Ron told me the story.

"He was also the one who I talked to after the ball" Ron said as he began to tell me another story.

**~Flashback~**

**Ron was lying on his bed, it was right after the Yule Ball, right after he made Hermione cry again. He heard the door of the room open, thinking it was just one of his dorm mates but when someone opened his curtains, he knew he was wrong.**

"**What happened, Ron?" Fred asked as he sat beside his little brother.**

"**I made her cry again... I was jealous and I shouted at her and she got mad at me."**

"**Jealous? Of who? Krum?"**

"**I didn't know he was her date! She didn't even tell either me or Harry!"**

"**I thought you asked her?"**

"**I did but she said she already has a date. I thought she was lying so I didn't expect her to show up with **_**him**_**..."**

"**You need to say sorry to her for bursting like that."**

"**That is if she ever talks to me again." Ron mumbled**

"**She will, mate, she will" Fred said as he stood up and made his way to the door.**

"**G'night!"**

"'**night, Ronald."**

**~End Flashback~**

"He was always there to give advice to me," Ron said, "He was also the one who told me that I'm hurting someone when I was with Lavender. He wrote to me, said that I need to break up with her."

"That's because I wrote to him, Ron, I told him what was going on. I don't know why I did but I guess I just needed a brother to help me. I didn't talk to Harry because he already has a lot in mind."

"Really?"

**~Flashback~**

***Hermione's POV***

**I'm tired of seeing them suck each other's faces. Dont they have any decency? There should really be a rule against public display of affection here in school. Not only it's disgusting, it hurts me seeing Ron with **_**her**_**.**

**I don't think I can still share a room with her. Especially with those things she said she'd done with Ron and how good kisser he is. I cant help wonder if it's true, if he really is a great kisser.**

**I was pulled out of my thoughts when I heard an owl tapping the window. I stood up and opened the window, watching the owl fly around the room. Eventually, it landed on my bed so I checked the envelope it's holding and I saw it has my name on it. I removed it from the owl and gave the little bird some food. I opened the envelope and read the letter.**

_**Hermione,**_

_**Hello! I'm sorry to disturb you on a Friday night but knowing you, you're probably just doing some homework or any other boring stuff. **_

_**Anyway, I'm writing to ask how things are back there at Hogwarts. I heard Snape's the new defence teacher. How bad is he? How's Harry? How about my git brother, how's your 'friendship' with him?**_

_**I also wrote to both of them but I don't think they'll answer me.**_

_**-Fred**_

**I grabbed a quill, parchment and an envelope and quickly scribbled a reply to Fred.**

_**Hello, Fred,**_

_**Things are okay here in school. Yes, Snape **_**is **_**the new DADA teacher and he's still being the same guy we all know. Harry still has loads of 'missions' to do. Ron is with his stupid girlfriend, sucking her face off around the whole school. Honestly, Fred, it's really disgusting to see.**_

_**How's the store going? It's quite boring around without your mischief items.**_

_**Also, I might not be going to spend Christmas there in the Burrow because I want to stay with my parents. Please tell Mrs. Weasley that I am really sorry for it.**_

_**-Hermione**_

**I put the piece of parchment in the envelope and tied it around the owl's leg.**

**~End Flashback~**

"You lied to him? About wanting to spend your Christmas with your parents" Ron said.

"Well, what was I supposed to say? '_I'm not going there for the holidays because I'm mad at your brother for dating someone else_'? He still knew what I meant. He knew I was jealous. I'm sure he even saw the tears on the parchment."

"You cried while writing to him?"

I nodded, "I had to tell him what I see you and _her _doing. And that _I _was supposed to confess everything after the party but she beat me to it. It doesn't matter now."

Ron smiled, "Mmhmm... When he wrote to me, asking how you and Harry are, he told me that he always knew we would end up together in the end. That our love was obvious to anyone but us. It's just too bad he didn't get to see us together."

"He's always here with us, Ron. When Harry and I rescued Sirius, he told Harry that the ones who love us never actually leave, they stay here" I said as I placed my hand on his chest.

"When are you planning to go to your parents?"

"I don't know. If I can request a portkey to Australia from the ministry, I'll go as soon as possible. If I don't, I still have to buy plane tickets and stuff."

"If you want, I can come with you. I can ask the ministry for a muggle passport. I want to make sure you're safe. And besides, I would like to experience riding an aeroplane and it's a good opportunity to make a good impression in front of your parents." Ron said, smirking.

I hit him playfully on the arm, "Yeah, I guess you can come. We'll go as soon as we can request a passport for you."

Ron pulled me closer to him and we remained silent for a few minutes until I head his stomach grumble.

" 'm hungry," He said, "let's go downstairs."

"Are you sure you're okay already?"

"I'll be fine, Hermione, as long as you're with me. C'mon." He stood up from his bed and helped me stand.

We walked to the dining room hand-in-hand, surprised that everyone were still there waiting for us.

"Took you long enough." We heard George say with a grin

It's the first time in a while we saw him smile.

"Yeah," Ginny jokingly agreed, "We all thought we were going to starve waiting for you."

"Why did you wait anyway?" Ron said taking a seat in the middle of Harry and I

"Mum wanted us to be, err, complete, for Fred's sake." Percy said with a sad smile

Ron nodded and started eating like the others

Everyone tried to start a conversation, each trying to avoid one particular subject. Everyone wore weak smiles and attempted to laugh. All for Fred's sake.

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**A/N: Thank you for reading! About the Fred/Hermione letters, I just think she sees the twins as older brothers. Anyway, who's got The Casual Vacancy? Is it a nice book? x**


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